This is an interesting question that someone posted to my Twitter group a couple of weeks ago. The answers submitted by members included: ‘Yes! Enthusiastically, anything for love’; ‘No, I’ve done it before and it didn’t work out’; and, ‘I wouldn’t make room on the couch, let alone move to another city’.
It got me wondering – how stuck in our ways are we?
I know as I get older, I become more comforted by my habits and routines. It generally makes for an easier life. I don’t need to make difficult decisions. I don’t need to weigh things up, or care about the details. Because all these things are taken care of. We spend our lives creating a sanctuary, a place where we are safe and secure and can relax.
But is it wise to give up on challenges, even small, everyday ones, as we get older? Should we sacrifice the possibility of love, for comfort?
Recently I’ve connected online with a guy that lives in Sydney. We’ve gelled really well, and very quickly. In our current situation, distance is both our friend and our enemy. Distance has prevented us from meeting in person, or taking our connection to a physical level. Distance, though, has also slowed everything down, forcing us to spend more time just talking than we might otherwise. We recognise that distance may help us to get to know each other better in this initial stage than we would if we were in the same city.
But what will happen if this is ‘love’?
I was born in Sydney and I’ve lived there a couple of times in my twenties and thirties. When I returned to Melbourne at forty, it was with relief at escaping Sydney’s oppressive over-population and rampant vacuousness. I was mainly raised in Melbourne, and it had always felt like home to me. When I was living in Sydney it felt as though I was visiting, as though I was on holidays.
So would I move back to Sydney for love?
Honestly, I don’t know. I would like to think I am still adventurous and willing to take risks in my fifties. Then I think of my friends in Melbourne, my created family, and the thought of being away from them, even just in Sydney, makes me sad.
The other option is he moves to Melbourne. I’m not sure what he thinks about this idea. And honestly, it’s far too early in our relationship to even have this conversation. But it’s there, in the background, hanging over us. What if we put all this effort into creating a relationship, then can’t even commit to living in the same city?
How much is love worth?